BUTTERFLIES: Self-Care- Why the Negative Stigma?

There is nothing new about the concept of self-care. We all know it is needed in order for us to be productive. So why is there a negative stigma to the self-care concept? In many cultures, too much self-care is seen as lazy, or is something that needs to be earned. Self-care is often seen with the perception of needing to be offset by hard work and exhaustion. Why do we need to earn the right to conduct self-love, or self-care? I am challenging you to change your thought process on the self-care concept.

Let’s talk about the definition of self-care. There are many interpretations of this word. My perception of the self-care definition is: Self-care is seen as a preventative measure to help keep the mind, body and spirit in harmony to prevent illness, fatigue, and injury. Oxford Dictionary tells us that self-care is “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” As we can see there are a few variations of the definition of self-care, but the underlying concept is the same. For the simplicity of this blog we are going to use my interpretation of self-care. I am a true believer, self-care should be a preventative and ongoing concept and not used only during stressful events.

Growing up I can remember being rewarded for hard work. But indirectly, if I was not too productive or appeared to coast, there was not a reward. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing incorrect about rewarding yourself for hard work, but self-care should be done just because you are you😊! Barton writes, “as much as we want to help other people, if we empty ourselves completely without recharging, we’ll have nothing to give them. Essentially, we need to take care of ourselves in order to properly care for and about the important people in our lives. So take that moment, or day, or as long as you need to recharge and get back on your feet.” Eventually, self-care will be part of your baseline regimen of care. It will become as natural as making sure you eat every day! 

As you get older, you realize self-care/self-love is a true necessity. It doesn’t cost a lot of money to complete self-care on a regular basis. I know for many people self-care is a new concept. So, start off small and set a time line of the frequency of completion. For example: My personal self-care goal changed from once every other month, to once monthly, to biweekly, and now weekly. The process took years to progress to this frequency and not have any underlying guilt (you are worthy!). Also, what you do for self-care can be different every time. Mix it up and make it fun😊! Here are 10 examples of quick inexpensive self-care task you can complete to get you started. They are as follows:

1. Take a walk- Free
2. Play with your pet- Free
3. Complete a home facial- May have items at home/free to low cost
4. Paint your nails- Free to low cost
5. Complete a task on your bucket list- May be a little more costly depending on bucket list 
   
6. Get a massage- Low to moderate cost/ if you want free, have your significant other complete it for you😊!
7. Complete a DIY project- Low to moderate cost depending DIY list
8. Do an in home wine tasting- Low to moderate
9. Gardening- Free to low cost 
10. Watch a movie/ TV series/Read a book- Free to low cost

These 10 self-care examples are just a start! No matter where you choose to start, you will be on your way to well appreciated self-care. Remember baby steps, and you do not have to be stressed out to initiate the process. Self-care should be preventative. You are well on your way in making this process apart of your regular routine. Remember, no one’s perfect, if you fall off just restart the process. Be kind to yourself. Your body will thank you😉!

The self-care task listed above are meant to be a reference point only and are not all-inclusive. How do you complete your self-care and how often? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below (Now, an anonymous comment option available for your privacy!). As always, thanks for reading and subscribing😊!*

  

APA References:

Barton, L. (2016, March 17). Self-Stigma: The Undeserved Guilt of Self-Care, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, April 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/survivingmentalhealthstigma/2016/03/how-we-feel-self-stigma-when-practicing-self-care

Oxford Dictionary (2021). Self-care. Retrieved on 2021, April 28 from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/self-care

BUTTERFLIES: Emotional Transparency and Vulnerability

How emotionally transparent are you? Do you tap into your vulnerable side? Some people are very good at being emotionally transparent and vulnerable. What you see is what you get! Comfort-ability to be emotionally transparent and vulnerable comes from a variety of factors such as: culture, environment, and life experiences. In many cultures emotional vulnerability and having transparency is seen as weak. These two words have a negative connotation. Although many cultures have this belief, both are needed for growth. So, how do you find a common ground between being transparent and vulnerable? How do you stay comfortable in your skin during the process?

For me, the last several years have been about being more emotionally transparent and vulnerable. These two areas have been my focus for growth. The stoic base which was instilled in me has been challenged by many life experiences that were out of my control.  We can not control everything..lol. Now, this is not to say that going through these life experiences had a negative outcome. The true plum fact is, while experiencing emotional vulnerability and transparency, you can become quite uncomfortable. But I would never change the end result. For me, repetition of the process made my emotional transparency and vulnerability phase a little easier. The result, was a better me! But, how can you go through the process of emotional vulnerability and transparency, and still be in one piece while trying to better yourself? Here are 7 steps to help you through the transition process. They are as follows:

1. Recognize- Recognize the emotion you are feeling in the growth process? Do not react immediately and give yourself time to explore the emotion. How does it make you feel? Once you label the feeling do not judge yourself for having an emotion.
2. Understand- Try to understand the emotion. Why do you feel this way? What triggered the emotion? Is it a feeling you have experienced before? If familiar, how did you respond before and did it help your growth? If not, you may need to figure out a different response. Remember, every response does not promote growth and healing!
3. Manage- There are a few questions you should ask yourself when going through an emotional process. Do you feel you need to address the situation or did the feeling pass?  I know we hate to ask out selves this one- but is it possible that you over reacted to the situation? We all have done this every once and a while..Lol! What have you learned? If the situation arises again, will you feel the same level of vulnerability? 
4. Allow Room for Mistakes- Growth in dealing with emotional transparency and vulnerability takes time and practice to learn. Allow yourself room for mistakes within the process. Being hard on yourself will cause more stress and anxiety. You may be less likely to complete the process and hinder your growth. 
5. Build an Environment of Trust- In order for others to feel comfortable to be emotionally transparent and vulnerable, an environment of trust must be built. Weather it is a romantic relationship, a circle of friends, and/or a work circle; everyone has to be comfortable within the circle in order to share their feelings open and honestly. Allowing this level of comfort-ability, everyone's true wishes can be known and the people involved can adjust accordingly.
6. Be Present- Make time to connect with your spouse, circle, family, and/or employees on a regular basis. Making one-on-one time with others in your space decreases the frequent need of the emotional transparency and vulnerability  need. 
7. Listen More Than You Speak- When a negative emotion is triggered, and the emotional transparency and vulnerability cycle is in process, be a good listener. Sometimes people need to vent and release all of their emotions. You may be the first person this individual was able to release their feelings to. Everyone who release emotions does not need their problem solved. Ask if your assistance is needed, or do they just need a listening ear? This establishes you as a trusted resource and someone they can depend on during the emotional transparency and vulnerability process.

As you have read, the emotional transparency and vulnerability process is a complex one. There are many ways to complete this process. But above is an established guideline to use. Having a guideline may make completing the process a little easier. The end result is growth and a better you! There is nothing wrong with that😊!

As you may realize the steps above are not all-inclusive. The 7 steps are highlights of how to get through the emotional transparency and vulnerability process. Steps provided by, (www.quantumworkplace.com. 2020. Managing Emotions and Emotion Vulnerability. Podcast#21). How emotionally transparent are you? Do you tap into your vulnerable side? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below (Now, an anonymous comment option available for your privacy!). As always, thanks for reading and subscribing😊!*

BUTTERFLIES: Leaders and Leadership

What is your definition of a leader? What qualities do you need to see in a leader to feel you can be a productive follower? Leaders and and the topic of leadership has been a recurrent topic in my timeline this week. So we are going to address these two areas throughout the blog. For the purpose of this blog we are going to discuss the difference between being a leader and being in a leadership role. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines a leader as "a powerful person who controls or influences what other people do. A person who leads a group, organization, country and etc". I believe sometimes the terms are used interchangeably. This is not correct! Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines leadership "as the office or position of a leader, the capacity to lead, and the act or instance of leading". Now that we have the definition correct, lets dive deeper into the two areas. 

I want to start with the word leadership. The reason I am starting with this word first is, it is  misinterpreted the most. Being in a leadership role does not make you a leader. But sometimes a leadership platform is needed in order for a leader to be productive and lead. Many times people are placed in a leadership role before they are ready to be a leader. They are not provided the tools to 

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develop and maintain leadership qualities. If leadership qualities can not be maintained and developed, you can not continue to be an effective leader. 

Earlier in my healthcare career I found myself in this position. I was placed in a leadership role without resources. To make matter worse, I was working in an area I concentrated on in undergraduate school. For me, the experience and tools I required were not there, and I felt locked in the position. I quickly realized this position was not for me, and changed my path. Sometimes leadership growth occurs in knowing what is not the correct leadership position for you. One thing to remember, the position was not a good fit for me, but may be a perfect fit for another leader.

The other side of the coin to remember, if everyone was built to be a leader, then there would not be anyone to follow. During my early nursing career, it was still my time to be a follower. The experience I had early on in my healthcare career made me realize everyone has a role to play in the leader-follower dynamic. But that is for another blog😉! But remember followers can be groomed to be in a leadership role. Here are 5 ways to know you may be ready for a leadership role. They are: 

1. You like helping your coworkers problem-solve.
2. You see the potential in others, and get satisfaction in seeing them flourish.
3. You enjoy process improvement and feel you have ways to save the company time and money. 
4. Many people assume you are in a leadership role due to your knowledge base and the instinct to share what you know with others. 
5. You are willing to learn while you are in a leadership role. Reflect on your own actions and be willing to be an example of the qualities you are trying to enforce. 

The leadership role can be very appealing to others who are not currently in the position. The time and energy that it takes to be effective in this area is never projected by a good leader. But there are a few signs you may not be ready for a leadership role. I will like to state, not being ready for a leadership role does not mean you will never be a leader or in a leadership position in the future. Experience, time, and continuous education needs to be present for a leader to continue to share with their followers. Here are some signs that you may not be ready to lead. They are as follows: 

1. You want the role solely for monetary reasons. 
2. You want the job because there is an illusion your work load will be easier. 
3. You have a hard time speaking up on something that would benefit the company. 
4. You are not willing to open up and be trusting with employees on your team. 
5. You care more about the job title, private office, or other perks more than the job itself. 

Now, we know some of the ideas that mean you are not ready for a leadership position. Again, this does not mean you will not be ready to be a leader in the future. So, what are qualities of a good leader? Weather your leader is in church or in The White House, there are certain qualities they posses which makes you feel they are GREAT at what they do. These qualities allow them to be effective in their post and with their followers: 5 qualities of a GREAT leader are:

1. Great communication skills
2. The ability to delegate task
3. Empathy
4. Self-Care
5. Gratitude

Remember, there is not one way or style to lead. The leadership style which works for one leader, may not particularly work for another. How you decide to lead depends on your surroundings, and your followers. Also, this thought process can apply to a leader's qualities. As you grow and change, on thing to remember is you take the best of other leaders and make it your own. The rest is history! 

As you may realize these list are not all-inclusive. The lists are highlights of qualities and  characteristics GREAT leaders needs to possess in order to lead.What is your definition of a leader? What qualities do you need leadership to possess for you to be a productive follower? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below (Now, an anonymous comment option available for your privacy!). As always, thanks for reading and subscribing😊!*

BUTTERFLIES: Change and Growth

Often we get comfortable in one spot in life. Why not? You perfect your craft and sometimes become an expert in your field of study. Weather it's home and/or work, change is needed for growth. Unfortunately, most of the population loves a routine. Why? For many, growth is an uncomfortable process. Then why do we get bored, feel stagnant, and hesitate to go into a change process? Comfortably...lol. What's nice is everyone experiences growth at their own pace. Here are 4 helpful tools to help you get through a growth process. They are as follows:

1. Take your time- No one says you have to make a transition over night. Take your time with transitioning. 
2. Allow yourself to make mistakes- Mistakes means you are trying. Most people do not accomplish their goal on the first attempt. Not accomplishing your goal on the first attempt doesn't make you a failure.
3. Write down the main goal you are trying to accomplish- This will help you organize your steps and see where you are in the growth process. You can determine how comfortable you are completing the current step. Are you ready for the next step? You may not be, so complete each step at a pace that is right for you.
4. Reward yourself for every step completed- This step is very important. For every mini-step you complete reward yourself. The reward doesn't have to be big. The reward can be as small as getting a fingernail polish change. You will feel a since of accomplishment, and it will encourage you to go on to the next step. 

* These are a few goals I find useful. Let me know what tools you use to go through a growth process. Please share in the comment box below, and subscribe via e-mail to the right column. Thanks in advance for reading and sharing*

BUTTERFLIES: Bucket list and Goals!

Do you believe a bucket list and/or goals are important for growth? Weather you call it one or the other,  your focus is kept on the prize. Although exploring these 2 areas may take you out of your comfort zone, but achieving either one feels rewarding and is down right gratifying! Sometimes, completing goals one by one gives you the realization you can achieve anything. Accomplishing small goals make you feel you can achieve goals you thought were unobtainable. Since this pandemic is allowing us time to self-reflect, why not make a new bucket for 2021! A few ideas to go on your bucket list are:

1. Learn a new skill- A few examples of new skills are: learning how to sew, learning a new recipe and/or learning a new language. Any one of these are sure to provide gratification upon completion, and can be useful in the future.
2. Complete a DIY project you never would have attempted- Of course this is my favorite! Not only do you get to complete an awesome project, you obtain new skills along the way while completing this goal.
   

   

   
   
3. Read a whole book series- How many of us have a list of books to read and/or CEU's (continuing education credits) to complete and never get around to it? This pandemic is a great time to complete this goal and expand your knowledge base.
4. Do something which takes you totally out of your comfort zone-Weather this is public speaking, getting over your fear of heights, or getting over your fear of animals. Completing something you never thought you could, may allow you to gain new confidence you didn't know you had.

                                          

*Of course this list is not all-inclusive but are a few suggestions to get you started. Please share one of your goals you have achieved off of your bucket list in the comments below. If you like this post please subscribe via email in the column on the right. You will receive notification of future post. Thanks in advance!*

BUTTERFLIES: My First Blog- Covid-19 Pandemic

Hello everyone! I hope your day is gong well. Today we are going to have a discussion in the butterfly category. The butterfly category represents metamorphosis and change. What better time to speak of change and growth than during the Covid-19 pandemic. The experiences during this time has been anything but easy. From worries of continuous safety, work, health, and mental well being. To happy moments and continuous growth! You may wonder how people are keeping sane...lol. Here are 10 things that are helpful to get through the pandemic.
They are as follows:

1.  Mental Health: Weather you are speaking to your spouse on a daily basis or using professional counseling: these 2 choices are great resources.
2. Religion: I know religion can be a sensitive topic. Everything happens for a reason and there is a life lesson in every experience. What ever your religion is, believing in a higher power can assist you with getting through the pandemic.
3. Face-timing with friends and family: This is a great way to feel socially connected, while keeping a social distance. 
4. Self-Care: From trying out new beauty products with your spouse, making a new recipe, and/or a hot bubble bath. Your stress level will surely decrease!
5. Accepting feelings during constant time of change: Accepting your feelings during this time is crucial. It is quite OK, not to feel like yourself. 
6. Physical well being: Physical activity during social isolation is needed. The internet has a plethora of information on working out at home. Also, hiking in your local area is always a good option.
7. DIYing: Not only is DIYing physical, it gets you out of your own head space. It's a 2 for one. You can make it a 3 for 1 by speak on the phone while completing a project!
8. Asking for assistance: It is quite OK to ask for assistance. Especially with everything going on with the pandemic. Asking for help doesn't devalue you as a person.
9. Speaking with your spouse regularly: Talking about your feelings with your spouse on a regular basis, decreases stress build-up. Other sources of release are: speaking with friends, and keeping a journal.
10. Knowing your limits: It is OK to say NO! It doesn't devalue you as a person.

*What has been helping you get through this pandemic? Please post your comment in the comment section below, and subscribe via e-mail in the right column. As always, thanks for reading and subscribing!*