BUTTERFLIES: Self-Care- Why the Negative Stigma?

There is nothing new about the concept of self-care. We all know it is needed in order for us to be productive. So why is there a negative stigma to the self-care concept? In many cultures, too much self-care is seen as lazy, or is something that needs to be earned. Self-care is often seen with the perception of needing to be offset by hard work and exhaustion. Why do we need to earn the right to conduct self-love, or self-care? I am challenging you to change your thought process on the self-care concept.

Let’s talk about the definition of self-care. There are many interpretations of this word. My perception of the self-care definition is: Self-care is seen as a preventative measure to help keep the mind, body and spirit in harmony to prevent illness, fatigue, and injury. Oxford Dictionary tells us that self-care is “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” As we can see there are a few variations of the definition of self-care, but the underlying concept is the same. For the simplicity of this blog we are going to use my interpretation of self-care. I am a true believer, self-care should be a preventative and ongoing concept and not used only during stressful events.

Growing up I can remember being rewarded for hard work. But indirectly, if I was not too productive or appeared to coast, there was not a reward. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing incorrect about rewarding yourself for hard work, but self-care should be done just because you are you😊! Barton writes, “as much as we want to help other people, if we empty ourselves completely without recharging, we’ll have nothing to give them. Essentially, we need to take care of ourselves in order to properly care for and about the important people in our lives. So take that moment, or day, or as long as you need to recharge and get back on your feet.” Eventually, self-care will be part of your baseline regimen of care. It will become as natural as making sure you eat every day! 

As you get older, you realize self-care/self-love is a true necessity. It doesn’t cost a lot of money to complete self-care on a regular basis. I know for many people self-care is a new concept. So, start off small and set a time line of the frequency of completion. For example: My personal self-care goal changed from once every other month, to once monthly, to biweekly, and now weekly. The process took years to progress to this frequency and not have any underlying guilt (you are worthy!). Also, what you do for self-care can be different every time. Mix it up and make it fun😊! Here are 10 examples of quick inexpensive self-care task you can complete to get you started. They are as follows:

1. Take a walk- Free
2. Play with your pet- Free
3. Complete a home facial- May have items at home/free to low cost
4. Paint your nails- Free to low cost
5. Complete a task on your bucket list- May be a little more costly depending on bucket list 
   
6. Get a massage- Low to moderate cost/ if you want free, have your significant other complete it for you😊!
7. Complete a DIY project- Low to moderate cost depending DIY list
8. Do an in home wine tasting- Low to moderate
9. Gardening- Free to low cost 
10. Watch a movie/ TV series/Read a book- Free to low cost

These 10 self-care examples are just a start! No matter where you choose to start, you will be on your way to well appreciated self-care. Remember baby steps, and you do not have to be stressed out to initiate the process. Self-care should be preventative. You are well on your way in making this process apart of your regular routine. Remember, no one’s perfect, if you fall off just restart the process. Be kind to yourself. Your body will thank you😉!

The self-care task listed above are meant to be a reference point only and are not all-inclusive. How do you complete your self-care and how often? Please subscribe via e-mail on the right, and leave a comment in the comment section below (Now, an anonymous comment option available for your privacy!). As always, thanks for reading and subscribing😊!*

  

APA References:

Barton, L. (2016, March 17). Self-Stigma: The Undeserved Guilt of Self-Care, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, April 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/survivingmentalhealthstigma/2016/03/how-we-feel-self-stigma-when-practicing-self-care

Oxford Dictionary (2021). Self-care. Retrieved on 2021, April 28 from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/self-care

LOVE: Welcome Back to Holy Matrimony:-)!

 

There has been so many things racing through my head since I have last put my fingers to the keyboard. First, I want to give the almighty GOD credit for getting my new hubby and I through the wedding planning process and completing our nuptials. There are so many unforeseen tasks to complete, and we still are not done…. lol. But the crazy thing is this: I would not change the wedding or the planning experience for the world 😊! That means a lot coming from this very type A personality…lol. For the record, I am Type C once all my task is done. I’m working on it.

Going through the wedding planning process in less than a year, all the Covid-19 changes, and completing physical therapy was nothing short of a challenge. Did I mention premarital counseling and few other Covid-19 related variables? But I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Also, many life situations are tests. Tests are sometimes needed for you to see your strengths, and let you acknowledge other areas you need to work on (But that is for another blog😊)!

For the purpose of this blog, I want to tell my perception of the wedding planning process and setting a date. Although men and women both complete the wedding planning process, I feel the perception and preparation is slightly unique for women. Not to take away from the male aspect, but I feel I can only write from my point of view on this topic. Also, for me being a bride was vastly different from the multiple maids of honor and bridesmaid experience I have completed.

In my blog, www.lovelifebutterflies.com.on October 25^th, 2020, I write about LOVE: Setting a Wedding Date and the Planning Process. Looking back, I realize I frequently refer to the 8 tips written with some variations. Although the previous blog was already written, now I feel it is important to show if the tips work and be transparent in what REALLY is beneficial for use. Here is the REALITY of the 8 tips that help me get through setting a wedding date and the wedding process. They are as follows:

1.   Enjoying the Engagement- My spouse and I made the engagement as enjoyable as possible. Dealing with Covid-19 during this time made enjoyment challenging. Both of us work in an industry that required exceptionally long work hours, and this did not include the change in processes occurring in everyday life. To assist with enjoying the engagement, we continued to have date night during the pandemic.
2. The Research- Although background research was completed on the wedding and the planning process, I feel the best advise came from other individuals who had been through the wedding planning process. For me, this provided more comfort as I completed task. Also, having resource individuals let me know the variations and feelings I was experiencing were normal.
3. Enjoying the Planning Process- I am trying to stay incredibly positive, but I did not enjoy the planning process at all…lol. For someone that is very concrete, there were many moving parts. Extra parts due to Covid-19. At least that is what was expressed from my resource individuals. Let us just say, too many for my type A personality. But guess what? God put in place people who thrive and relish in this area. Our nuptials were a success. I could not have done this process alone and am forever grateful for everyone who assisted😊!
4. Allowing Yourself Enough Time to Plan- As mentioned above, the planning time was cut short by many factors. After personally going through this experience, whatever time you think you need double it! Also, your original timeline, attempt to stick with it. In doing this the tweaking at the end will be minimal. To accomplish this area, many reinforcements were called upon.
5. Choosing Your Wedding Party- So it is no secret that Covid-19 affected everyone in choosing a wedding party. Many original wedding participants lived in other states. A month before the union a few of the northern states became open for travel. Honestly, it was during this time that the whole picture of the wedding really started coming together. Instead of changing the wedding party, more people we loved could be present for our union. Also, individuals were able to contribute in-person on some level who may not been able to attend previously. So, although this was a big variable in our wedding party, it was a positive one😊!Variables in the Planning 
6. Process- All I can say is flexibility, flexibility, flexibility! So, I want to stress throughout this blog the variables mentioned were a little more than normal. The variables mentioned are from my personal experience with setting a date and the wedding planning process. These variables are not meant to be a deterrent, but a reference point only. Covid-19 caused normal life process to be altered. The wedding process was no exception.
7. Setting a Date- I feel every area under setting a date, which needed considering was not applicable due to Covid-19 requirements (time of day, location, season, and holiday requirement). Honestly, the way weddings are being completed during Covid-19, you must be realistic on what you are requesting and your expectations. Our wedding was performed a day after my birthday, a weekend before Easter, in the evening, most of our guest came from out of state, and during Georgia’s time of crazy season change. Although this was not the initial plan, this is the date and time which worked for my spouse and me.
8. Setting a Budget- Oddly, the area of setting a budget worked out but was still affected. I, who normally DIY everything was in physical therapy and working up until 1 week before the wedding. And although most women have a dream wedding in mind, I am NOT one of those women...lol. I knew what feeling I wanted to have, and I wanted to look beautiful. For me, that goal was achieved. So, the budget that was originally set was altered when reinforcements for certain task were outsourced. But it was doable. I just want to stress; I do not condone going into debt over a wedding. I will say this, get one idea and stick with it. Let it be your focal point and do not loose focus on what you are trying to achieve in the planning process. For me, my goal was achieved.

Every bride is unique but remember the ultimate end goal is for you to enjoy your wedding nuptials with your spouse and prepare for a long-lasting life together. Know you will be surrounded by family and friends who will love and cherish your union. Even if your wedding does not go smoothly, and usually it does not, you have now joined with the spouse of your dreams. As crazy as it sounds, I would not change my wedding planning experience and nuptials for the world. What I believe makes the difference is changing your expectations and realizing what is important. If you do this, you will enjoy the wedding experience even more! I know I did😊!

*As always, thanks for reading! If you like this blog and want continuous updates, subscribe via e-mail on the right. Please share your wedding stories! I look forward to reading your wedding comments in the comment section below. Thanks in advance!*